If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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