Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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