i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
