when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
