All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
