im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
