you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
