He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
