I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
