perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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