It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
