Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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