I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
