Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize
