My underwear smells like fireworks.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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