If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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