he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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