Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
