i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
