Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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