i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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