you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
