the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
