am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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