i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
