Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
