Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
