my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We left the knife in your bed.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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