That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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