If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
