I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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