someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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