i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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