And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
