My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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