Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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