...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
