Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
