Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
