Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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