grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
