My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
