Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
