I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He passed out mid-signature
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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