So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
