Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
