If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
