I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
