Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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