some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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