I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
