I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
