maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
