At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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