Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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